“The life of faith is lived one day at a time, and it has to be lived – not always looked forward to as though the “real” living were around the next corner. It is today for which we are responsible. God still owns tomorrow.” -Elisabeth Elliot
I turn 29 this year. Growing up, I always assumed I’d be married with several children by this age.
That didn’t happen.
I struggle with discontentment sometimes. I tell God it wasn’t really very fair of Him to give me a godly, biblical desire for marriage and children and then just not fulfill that desire. Yes, I know I am wrong to tell Him He is being unfair, but it is something with which I do struggle.
I was reading the testimony of a young woman approximately my age who shared about her own struggle – from the perspective of having not settled and having waited for a guy that she really could “serve the Lord better with.” That’s been my motto. I’ve always said that (since my chief goal is to serve the Lord) I could only marry someone with whom I could serve the Lord better. So far, God has been good to hold me to my word. The times when I wanted something to work out that would not have met that standard, God has stepped in to lovingly and sovereignly protect me from my own shortsightedness.
Today, though, sitting in the car, winking back a few tears at the very real sorrow of not (yet?) having desires of my heart fulfilled, I was very convicted to live out my motto. If I really will only marry a man with whom I could serve the Lord better, then what am I doing now? Shouldn’t that standard apply to my daily life? Shouldn’t I be focusing so much more on serving the Lord now?
I turn 29 this year. Up until now, I have been serving the Lord with the thought in the back of my head that I am just waiting. That the opportunities I have now are only place holders. Yes, I do have a desire to do great things for the Lord, but I keep thinking those great things must naturally happen once I’m married. That’s kind of stupid, though. And it isn’t like I haven’t been told otherwise – by the Bible, by my father, by my best friend. I just haven’t wanted to accept it. I’ve internally prioritized marriage in a way God does not. He does not need me to be married to serve Him completely. He does not need me to be married to serve Him usefully. He calls me to serve Him completely now and He will use me now.
Now. As a single woman. I am useful to Him – in fact, since He is not wasteful, nor a bad steward, it must not be more useful to Him for me to be married… or I would be. The hoping and trusting and waiting still apply, but the waiting needs to have a different focus. I wait in hope, but I am not waiting to be useful.
whileiwrestle 